SOS
Don’t worry to hide your feelings. If you feel to tell me something, do not stop yourself, tell me everything without any problems I will always be here listening to you.”- Vin
As I read his electronic mail, I feel a slight urge for me to consider his offer. I thought about it many times. It’s not everyday that you feel love in all around the places of your heart. But I doubt it and quietly resigned to the fact that I need to revisit my feelings. To be friends is always great alternative than being lovers. I need to simply agree.
So there I was pretending again for the 97th million time. Wearing my biggest smile, my two arms trying to welcome him. Over and over again I told myself: “You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry. Stop analyzing. For once in your life, do something which may help you liberate your deepest desires.”
The subsequent emails between us were great. Definitely no trace of pain. Yes, I am a great pretender on cases like this. I found out this is the best way to overcome this stubborn feeling. In most of my letters, I would sign my name as “Your friend”. He would try to compensate it by signing it as “Your more than a friend”. Is he trying to make me feel better? Maybe. I don’t know. Only Vin has the ready answer.
I stopped calling him the shortest version of his name. There is no need. According to Savior, less expectations mean less chances of being hurt. For now, I shall content myself with that belief until I realize I should believe in something else.
“I hope to see you soon so we can talk face to face and I can pinch your cheeks every time you make me upset or I can kiss you every time you say something nice.” This has to end. Soon.
So God help me please.
